I’m surprised I made it to 18 alive

Today marks my 18th birthday, a day most people look forward to, but I feel numb. I’m still in disbelief over the fact that I’m still alive, I don’t know how I managed to reach that age, I don’t know how I survived all the things I’ve been through, and the thing is…I couldn’t even celebrate it yet, I have exams that I’m very stressed about and it feels like the end of the world for me. I don’t feel like an adult, yet I don’t remember who I was as a kid. Would kid me be proud or disappointed. I don’t have it all figured out, I’m not thriving yet, all the things I wish I could’ve been if I made it to this age.